I Could Use a Little Help, Please…

I had to decide to either reach out take hold of a helping hand or die from my bulimia because I did not want live if this was how my life was going to continue to be.

I still struggle with the thought and act of reaching out and asking for help from others. I get this awkward feeling in my stomach called feeling vulnerable. I used to think to myself I would rather get my teeth pulled out without anesthesia then have to feel exposed as human being who needed a little help. The self talk would quickly begin to tell me you better go it alone, informing me that I was wimpy, I should be able do it myself, I was weak, I was too needy and what would others think of me.

I also, have to admit that I never entertained the idea of asking for help until I was in my 40’s. It clearly wasn’t an option in the environment I grew up in therefore, I never learned how to do it. Well, you know that expression go big or go home? I had to decide to either reach out take hold of a  helping hand or die from my bulimia because I did not want live if this was how my life was going to continue to be. Somehow, I found the shred of courage I had left to ask my husband to help me in getting admitted into an eating disorder treatment program. That took place on a Friday and that following Tuesday I was in treatment feeling a scared but feeling as though the weight of the world had been lifted from off my shoulders.

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” When you cannot accept and ask for help without self-judgment, then when you offer other people  help, you are always doing so with judgment.”  – Brene Brown

It has been 4 years from that life changing moment. I’m in recovery and I’ve definitely much better about asking others for help. I still feel uncomfortable, vulnerable and my throat tightens up but I don’t let that stop me. I’ve learned that I have to ask the right people for support, and even though I may not always get it; yeah that’s the hard part about reaching out, I still get to ask. If I don’t ask I know that the outcome will always be me, myself and I going it alone. Reaching out and being able to lean on someone else brings me a sense of comfort, restfulness and connection.

It reminds me that I’m human and has allowed me to feel a safer when putting myself out there and asking others for help.

Think about ways you might reach out and ask others for help. You don’t have to wait for something big like I did to do it. (yeah, it takes me awhile but I learned that too.)  I can assure you that the more you do it the better you get at it and the better you feel but it may never come easy and that’s OK.

Tina Klaus
If I'm not writing articles about recovery for Don't Live Small and other orginizations. I like spending time with the person who means the most to me, my husband of 19 years, Jeff, and our feisty dog Tulip in Denver Colorado. I am a contemporary artist with a background in graphic design and Marketing. I've personally struggled and battled with bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorder for over half of my life. As a result I too am bravely walking through my own bumpy road to recovery and creating a meaningful life that matters to me. Read Tina's ED Story Here . . . See Tina's Artwork at Creative Mix . . .  

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