depression

An Open Letter to My Depression

“You have taught me that I am stronger than I would have ever imagined, and because of you, I continue to grow stronger with each sunrise.”

Good morning, good afternoon, good night.

I never know where to start in addressing you. You never really came into my life with the abruptness of a trainwreck as people imagine, but rather slid into my shadows as each day progressed in the key times where people learn how to become themselves. So I’ve learned that you, are a part of me. And you always will be, you’re the scars on the bottom of my feet, reminding me of the glass I’ve trudged through.

You pride yourself in being the silent killer, etching your harsh words into the backs of minds until you poke through enough nerves to scream so loudly into our heads that we hear nothing else. People are scared to talk about you. Scared that you’re some sort of contagious disease, as if by hanging out with the ones who have you around their necks, they’ll eventually feel your weight around their ankles. But just because you’re a part of our lives, doesn’t mean that we aren’t happy people. While you, depression, have latched yourself to my name, I still identify myself as a person who is happy with my life. Because on days when I have a head clear of you, my eyes are wide enough to see the fortunate love I am surrounded with.

So I’m writing you a letter to officially accept that you’re a part of my life. Sure, I’ve talked to my parents and friends about you, but I’ve never directly addressed you. So congratulations, you’re a part of me.

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But while I know and accept now that there will be nights ahead full of turmoil and trouble that you’re bound to bring, I approach them fearlessly. Fear, is the exact drug you have used to control me. Fear of the future, fear of possibilities, fear of heartbreak, fear of judgements, fear of failure, fear of an inability to live up to expectations. So as scary as you seem, lurking at the edges of my tomorrows with fear in hand, I can promise you that you will not get what you want. I promise you, and myself, that at the end of the day no matter how loud you’re screaming, how hard you’re clawing, how heavy you are, I will continue forward. Because of you, every day for me, and others like me, is a battle. Some days are easier than others, and you’re lighter than normal, but some days come with violent winds and seas. But the deeper you carve into me, the more love and happiness I am able to contain. The darker the skies, the brighter are the stars that shine through and the more I love and appreciate the warmth of the sun on my skin the next morning.

And above all else? You have taught me that I am stronger than I would have ever imagined, and because of you, I continue to grow stronger with each sunrise.

Once in the midst of a seemingly endless winter, I discovered within myself an invincible summer. — Albert Camus

Want more help on depression?  Check out 7 Subtle Signs of Depression You Should NOT Ignore.
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Christy Czajkowski
God bless this mess.Towson University Acting and Theatre Arts Major Class of '17.

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