Adele rarely lets fans and people into her personal life outside of music. Her celebrity status has mostly been focused on her insane vocals, and deeply emotional lyrics. When her son, Angelo Konecki, was born, her personal life became even more private.
Recently though, the 28-year-old songstress has opened up more about her struggles with anxiety, depression and alcohol abuse.
“I have a very dark side. I’m very available to depression,” she admitted to Vanity Fair. “I can slip in and out of it quite easily. It started when my granddad died, when I was about 10, and while I never had a suicidal thought, I have been in therapy, lots.”
Following the birth of her son, she suffered from postpartum depression—slipping back into the grips of depression. She felt, at the time, like she had made “the worst decision” of her life.
The queen of vocals continued by saying she “loves her son more than anything” but admits that adjusting to motherhood was not easy for her.
“My knowledge of postpartum—or post-natal, as we call it in England—is that you don’t want to be with your child; you’re worried you might hurt your child; you’re worried you weren’t doing a good job,” she said. “But I was obsessed with my child. I felt very inadequate.”
Angelo is now four, and he’s Adele’s only child with long-time boyfriend, Simon Konecki. Knowing her struggles, and how hard it was for her to become a mother, it has been challenging for her to think about having another child.
When he first noticed Adele’s behavior and difficulty adjusting, Simon suggested she talk to other mothers about her concerns. At first she refused, but after opening up with a friend who also had a child, she realized she wasn’t alone in what she was feeling. Confiding in that friend, and ultimately giving herself time away at least once a week, Adele noticed her depression “lifting.”
Thanks to her son, Angelo, Adele also quit smoking and drinking.
“Having a hangover with a child is torture,” she joked before getting serious. “Since I’ve had my baby, I’m not as carefree as I used to be. I’m scared of a lot of things now because I don’t want to die; I want to be around for my kid. I’m very cautious.”
Fame has also played a huge role in her decision to ditch the alcohol.
“I used to love to be drunk, but as I got more famous I would wake up the next morning and think, ‘What did I say and who did I say it to?'” she explained. “I’m not as indulgent as I was then, and I don’t have time to fall apart like I did then.”
She continued, “I was completely off my face writing that album, and a drunk tongue is an honest one. I would drink two bottles of wine, and I would chain-smoke.”
Angelo is her world, and Adele has been very vocal about never wanting to perform live shows again. She says her stage fright is so bad that she may never tour again.
“I’d still like to make records, but I’d be fine if I never heard [the applause] again. I’m on tour simply to see everyone who’s been so supportive.”