“On July 7, 2016, at 12:13 a.m., my wife was dying.”
Dawson Willford took to social media this week to share about the hardest, and most incredible night of his life.
His wife Jacqueline had an emergency c-section to deliver their son when she went into shock and began hemorrhaging and shaking.
Dawson reflects on what he calls his ‘final goodbye.’
“I stood by her head while she was bleeding out and remembered every fight we ever had and all the things I never did for her. I couldn’t let her know how scared I was,” he writes. “What do you say to someone knowing it’s going to be the last time you talk to them. I tried so hard to comfort her and tell her everything is okay. I tried to smile and pretend that it’s all part of the operation.”
In these moments, the operating staff called a code blue and people flooded the room. He kissed her and was forced to leave.
He asked God, “please don’t take her home.” In that moment, he recalled all of the Sundays that he had missed church. Feeling like a bad Christian, Dawson didn’t want to pray in fear that “God would shun him for being a bad Christian.” He continues, “I was so sorry and asked God if somehow he could just hear this last request.”
He took on the weight of the world and that of all of their family waiting in the lobby. He feared how he would explain to his new family, this precious little boy, what had happened to his mom. Dawson’s mind was racing, all the while his wife was dying in the next room.
After waiting for about ten minutes, he was rushed to a different room where Jackie finally showed up. At first, it was more than a relief that she was still alive, but in a matter of minutes, the worst happened.
“She lost about 1 liter of blood in a couple seconds. I didn’t say anything, I was so scared. I just looked at my wife and couldn’t utter a word.
I wanted to say I love you and tell her it’s okay.
I wanted to help her as much as I could.
I wanted to stop everything and start all over again.
I knew she was dying in front of me.”
The operating staff called another code blue.
“This time my heart stopped. I thought why didn’t I pray every night! Why didn’t I love her like God has loved me!”
As doctors tried to save Jackie, Dawson watched helplessly. He said, “She asked for some water and I knew she was leaving earth.” With his newborn son in hand, Dawson was ushered out of the room.
As he approached his family, all he wanted was for someone to hold him. “I wanted someone to carry me like a kid and tell me it’s gonna be okay. I didn’t want to be a man anymore. I wanted to cry! I wanted to cry out to God and ask him why!”
He longed so badly to be with his wife. To hold her, help her…to just BE with her. But he had to take care of his son now.
After about five minutes, he asked the nursing staff if he could go see Jackie. They reluctantly said yes, and Dawson headed towards the hallway. It was about 40 yards to Jackie’s room, and five yards in he began sobbing. He was scared to walk back in and hear the news. “I wanted my dad to comfort me! I’m still his little boy!” With only 30 yards left, Dawson’s life changed. He heard God speak to him:
‘Gabriel my son I love you more than you can imagine. I heard you and I was there! I saw the c section. I helped the doctors find the problem. I saw when she hemorrhaged and made sure they caught it really quick. I was waiting for you in this hallway when you wanted your father. It’s okay to call on me. I will always love you. Just as you asked to save your wife. I’ve been asking my father to save yours.’
Dawson said he had more love in his heart in that moment than ever before. After that, the last 30 yards weren’t so bad.
Jackie and their son are both thriving. They were released from the hospital just days later.
Dawson has a message for anyone who is reading this miracle: “If you see me at church don’t ask me where I have been. Just say I’m glad to see you’re home!”