Lauren Meeks wanted to be true to her faith and so she promised not to have sex until marriage when she was just 15 years old. When her wedding day came she was confronted with some of the “darkest months of my life” instead of the fairy tale she dreamed of.
Before we get too far into sharing Lauren’s story, we want to share our perspective of why we believe it’s so important to talk about. Everyone loves the “I became a Christian and lived happily ever after,” but that’s not the way it always works. There are struggles just like Lauren’s. What we do know is that God is just as real in the dark months as He is in the fairy tales, and when you get right down to it, that’s all that matters. Back to Lauren.
Growing up in a Christian family there was never really a doubt that she was going to want to save sex for marriage.
“[My virginity] was my most precious possession, to be guarded at all costs,” she wrote.
In today’s world waiting for marriage is pretty rare to say the least. In a recent survey, approximately 97 percent of people had sex before marriage, even in the Christian community. My sister made the decision to save her first kiss for the altar and I know, being the immature teenage little brother I was, I definitely wasn’t supportive. Lauren also made the decision to save her first kiss for the big day.
Lauren got her fair share of comments but didn’t waver in her decision.
“I never really worried about marrying someone I was sexually incompatible with, since everyone flat-out assured me that the sex would be glorious once it was done within the confines of marriage,” Meeks writes. “I did sometimes think about my decision not to kiss, wondering if there would be a “spark” there or not, but my fiancé was on board with waiting, so I figured it wouldn’t be a problem.”
Lauren managed to wait until her wedding day, but unfortunately reality was far off from the fantasy. After the honeymoon, she was diagnosed with vaginismus, involuntary spasms of the muscles that can make sex extremely painful. Along with the physical pain, there’s also the emotional side effects such as anxiety and depression that can hinder relationships.
She even said, “I innocently assumed that all of the work on both our parts to remain chaste would pay off with a hot, passionate sex life after we had finally said ‘I do.'”
After their honeymoon followed the darkest months of her life.
A huge part of her story is the pressure she felt from the church. She was taught to not have sex instead of why. In today’s Christian culture following rules can be viewed as more important than why we’re following them. We forget that God looks at motives. I know in my life my obedience to ‘rules’ has even given me an arrogance similar to the brother who stays home in the prodigal son story.
The beautiful part of Lauren’s story is how she closes it out:
“If I had to do it again, I still would have waited. For all of my struggles, I do not regret being raised in a Christian home, and I still have a strong faith. But I would have encouraged—and even demanded—open conversations about the many good aspects of sex and intimacy, rather than being told over and over again to simply avoid it until marriage.”
We fail when we try to modify behavior rather than hearts. It’s a cool testimony that Lauren holds true to her faith today even after all she’s been through.