An Open Letter to Any Girl Not Getting Married This Year

To the Girl Tired of the Newsfeed Full of Sappy Engagement Photos…

Sometimes life feels like a race to the finish line. One minute you’re in elementary school, accepting a dandelion bouquet from your fifth grade crush, the next you’re a 20-something who’s expected to have some sort of relationship, some sort of commitment, some sort of understanding of the dating world and how it feels to fall in love. All when you hardly know who you are.

It’s easy to feel lost. It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one who hasn’t been in love, hasn’t dated multiple guys, hasn’t had her heart broken into a million little pieces and gotten back up again, or hasn’t experienced what it means to actually be with someone romantically.

Suddenly it seems like everyone’s getting engaged, like everyone’s finding ‘their person,’ like everyone is happy and has it figured out and you’re the one without the secret code, twiddling your thumbs on the sidelines, wondering where you went wrong.

You didn’t do anything wrong.

There isn’t this set path to follow in love. There isn’t a perfect route, a fool-proof solution to finding ‘the one.’ You aren’t supposed to know everything. And there isn’t an expiration date for love.

But if you’re sitting here, feeling defeated, feeling confused, feeling like there’s something missing, know this: You are loved by God.

Too often we chase love as if it’s the answer to our happiness. We run around, blindly giving our heart away to anyone that will hold it. We fall too quickly, just for the sake of feeling something. We jump into meaningless connections searching for some kind of steadiness, for some sense of security, for something to fill the holes we have in our heart.

But the only thing that can truly fill us is not a relationship with a man, but a relationship with God.

Know this: You are complete without a man. You are complete as you are—a beautiful, bold, breathing woman. You are complete in God.

Love is not the answer to your aching heart. Yes, love will fill you in ways that nothing can. Yes, love will build you and break you and mold you and shape you into a powerful, strong woman. Yes, love will make your heart vulnerable and bold. Yes, love will change your life.

But love doesn’t define you.

And just because you haven’t found love yet, doesn’t mean you are any less of a woman.

Whenever you are feeling less, whenever you are feeling incomplete, whenever you are feeling alone in this big world, know that you are loved by God. And nothing will ever change that.

God loves you more than you could ever know. He wants the best for you. He wants you to find love, and He will bring you that man when the time is right. He won’t leave you. He won’t turn his back to you. He won’t cheat on you or break your heart or leave you for someone else.

He will put you first, always.

So maybe you haven’t found your person. Maybe you’ve reached your breaking point of seeing those happy, sappy engaged Facebook posts. Maybe you’re tired of being in weddings and wishing for your own. Maybe you feel like you’re unworthy of love.

Here’s what you need to remember: You are worthy of God’s love.

And though you may feel incomplete right now, know that you are cared for. Know that you are loved. And know that the love you deserve will find its way to you. Just trust and lean in.



This post originally appeared on Thought Catalog

Marisa Donnelly
Marisa is a Chicago girl, currently living in (super) small town Iowa. She enjoys drinking cheap Italian wine, running (yes, for fun!), and teaching middle and high school kids how to write. She isn’t your Netflix and Chill kind of girl. But she will go out on dates…if they involve food.

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